This summer has felt suffocating and I have decided to take an extended break to re-orient myself into autumn.
Feeling overwhelmed is tough stuff. The factors vary from situation to situation, but this summer my 'factors' have included a husband working excruciatingly long hours, two trips, multiple projects at home that need(ed) to be completed, events to attend, and so on. We have been too busy, and I need to take some time to reflect on how to apply the brakes and slow things down--or to prioritize the must-dos. Today I was reflecting darkly on all of my failings and suddenly felt guilty about many circumstances well beyond my control. This type of negative thinking is not healthy or normal for me, and it's an indication that I need breathing room and a fresh perspective.
My maternal grandmother, who lives up the hill from us on the same farm, is now under hospice care as the Alzheimer's that has picked at her for years begins to sail away with her mind and body.
My excellent husband turned 40 yesterday.
How, then, shall we live? I need to embrace the season and its limitations--and embrace my own limitations--and narrow my focus even more. I can't do everything.
Choosing to live with joy means choosing to live well in the midst of the difficulties. It means choosing to live in kairos time, and not hyperventilating over the chronos time. So that is my goal as I step back in this season. I can't change most of what is happening around me, but I can shift my perspective to embrace the moment, give myself and my family the compassion we need, and live in joy.