Sixteen Years

My husband and I celebrated our sixteenth anniversary yesterday!  Our sweet babysitter took this shot before we ran away for dinner together.

 I was a tender 22 when we got married and was completely unprepared for married life.   How can anyone know how completely and utterly I have failed at marriage?  The depth and breadth of my failings cannot be understated.  Most of the time I had no idea I was failing until it was all said and done and I could look back in shock at how my vulnerabilities had worked against me, how my childhood had risen up inside me, how self-destructive I could be.  As the child of divorce I had no idea what a healthy marriage really looked like.  I was a stranger in a strange land, an explorer navigating tricky waters. I have failed so many times.  I have been abysmal at marriage.

That's how I know that this quote by Kara Tippets is true: because I have experienced this living illustration of faith.  I have experienced grace and mercy and forgiveness.  I have been the recipient of self-sacrificial love. It has been so humbling for me.  I have felt like I won the marriage lottery.  I am a better person because of my husband. 

The most humbling thing of all is that my husband doesn't seem to see or notice my failings.  He only sees the beauty inside me.  He overlooks my faults, forbears the wrongs I commit, steadfastly believes that I am somehow special, wonderful, unique and chosen.  He loves me in spite of myself. *He* genuinely seems to think he won the marriage lottery.  I can't believe how deep his devotion to me has been. It truly is a wonderful living illustration of Jesus' love for us.  We have a happy marriage.  It is a beautiful gift. 

I am so grateful for this shadow of what is to come.