How Do You Have Time?

I get this question from time to time: how do you have time? It seems like when someone learns that I sew--even intermittently!, or spend time reading and/or writing each day, or exercising almost every day, or practicing violin, or {insert something else} I get asked how I have time to do it.

First of all, I always tell people not to be deceived: I don't do all of these things every single day. But I do at least a couple of them on most days. 

We all have the same amount of time in our day.  But we all have different priorities, family lives, needs, etc.  

I'm at a place in life now where I try to get up by 6am each day (today it was 6:07).  But there is no way that would have worked when I had little children.  My babies and toddlers were not easy sleepers, and I was often exhausted in the morning. I'd easily sleep until 8 am if they stayed asleep, and I needed the rest!  So it's not helpful to make blanket statements like "get up early."  Sometimes you just can't! (Getting up in the 5:00 hour does enable me to be more productive....I just don't recommend it because everyone's needs are so unique.)

But there are are a few things that I do that I think buy more time and can apply to people with different life situations.

*No television.  People hate to hear this and I don't say it unless I'm asked (except on my own blog, ha!), but I literally never, ever watch television.  I have gone through spurts of watching TV (especially in my 20s) but it has been years since I actually sat down and watched a show.  I am not even sure I know how to turn our TV on!  I don't care what's on TV and at night after our children are in bed I love curling up with a stack of books.  It calms me, encourages sleep, and feels like a connected, happy quiet. TV is too stimulating, distracting, and commercialized for me.  

I know people argue that television is a way to relax and escape.  This may be true.  But I think there are probably more rewarding ways to relax at the end of the day.


(like: my evening walk!)

*Strict boundaries on Internet use. I have had to develop this strictness over the years.  It's so easy to "check something" online and resurface hours later!  Social media in particular is addicting (it's designed to be).  I don't have a Facebook app on my phone and have ALL notifications on my phone turned off.  I try to keep a running list of "things to look up/do" on the internet, including email, buying stuff, and reading, and once I have a fairly solid list, I pull out the laptop and work my way down that list.  (This blog post was on that list!)  And I avoid watching any movies or YouTube videos unless I'm on the elliptical trainer. 

I have also turned off all text notifications on my phone, which I can do because I don't have children who are independent and driving around.  I try to check texts just a couple times a day. 

*Less stuff=more time.  I know we have all heard this before but it's TRUE!  The more items you own, the more time you have to take to clean it, organize it, store it, manage it, arrange it, dust it.  I have always enjoyed purging, but also seemed to easily acquire things, even just from generous neighbors or thrift stores.  But since my husband was diagnosed with cancer 19 months ago I got ruthless with the stuff we own.  I have gotten rid of some really good stuff, y'all!  A telescope, a dress form, furniture, lots of books, china, sheets, toys, clothes, my mother's vintage brandy glasses....you name it, I've purged it in some way or another.  I have come to see stuff as a burden that comes between me and the life I want to live with my family.  I hate it when I don't play a game of Candyland with my daughter or have a talk with my son because I feel like I need to tidy up the clutter or organize a space.  So I took the bull by the horns and am finally beginning to enjoy the fruits of my labor. 

I'm a minimalist now.  Of course, if you walk into my house you will see stuff (right now Annie has four puzzles all worked on a table in the living room!), because we live here and my children have creative work to do.  My house doesn't look like a photo of a minimalist's house, with one white sofa and four white walls and a potted plant.  Nope. That's not cozy enough for me--plus, I love books and artwork too much.  But I define minimalism as intentionally choosing what's important and disregarding the rest. We have pared down significantly, and the benefit is that it's so much easier to keep things neat and clean, even when they get sort of messy (see the puzzles on our living room table).  I don't have a lot of stuff to manage, so the stuff that is left is....easy to manage.  

And, honestly, I can still pare down.  And I still plan to pare down. In fact, I plan to do more purging this summer and fall, until we are truly left with the essentials (although I do consider 3 guitars, 2 violins, and 2 pianos essential...see? I'm not getting rid of everything!). 

 I'm using this minimalist lens in every area of my life. It has brought so much peace into my heart. 

*Prioritizing top needs of each day.  Trying to do everything every day just leads to distraction and feeling frenzied--at least in my experience.  I focus on accomplishing 3 things each day in addition to the stuff of daily life (like keeping house and caring for my family's educational, laundry, and nutritional needs).  I find that focusing like this somehow gives me MORE time. 

*Mastering the fine art of saying no. I am so good at saying no!  No to more stuff, no to obligations that I can't fulfill without feeling stressed, no to activities and involvements that take time away from what matters most to us.  I think it's hard for some women to say no because we want to please people.  But the more you get used to saying "unfortunately, I can't do that," the easier it is.  I am an oldest child, perfectionistic, classic people pleaser, so if I can learn to say no with confidence, I think anyone can.  

*             *            * 

I'm not suggesting that everyone adopt all of these things. I'm just offering them as the things that I do that I think allow me to have the margin in my life to do interesting things and also to enjoy my family more. 

If you have babies or toddlers, or a sick spouse or parent or child, life is just going to be different, but paring down and prioritizing helps so much in those situations.  In those cases, you need more time than other people do, but you also need more margin.  Be kind and gentle to yourself, and do whatever you need to do to simplify, even if it feels radical or counter-cultural.  

People above things, always!