Forty-Six

 Summer came and went so quickly.  Now autumn is upon us: it's cooler, it's foggy in the mornings, the leaves have started to fall. 

Last Friday was the one-year anniversary of my father's death.  I was up very, very early, drinking coffee and remembering him.  Now all those "firsts" have passed: the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first Father's Day, the first birthday.....and there's something healing about that.  I miss him; we were such good friends.  Sometime I will (slightly alter, for privacy) post his eulogy here.  

A few days later I had a birthday! I am 46 years old, on the firm downhill slide to 50, which seems impossible.  I told my children "I feel 20, but I look 46!"  I am genuinely grateful for another year of life.  This birthday was quiet and sweet, and felt more celebratory than last year-which I barely remember because, of course, it was only 3 days after my father had died. 

Finn started 10th grade.  Annie started what appears to be 7th grade.  They are still homeschooled.  I don't think that will change (until college!).  Annie is now doing classical ballet 4 days per week, for about 13 hours total (that doesn't include driving time or rehearsal weeks).  She just got her second pair of pointe shoes; we have to drive to the Big City 3 hours away for those fittings!  Finn is singing in a local community choir, working 2 evenings a week at the local retirement home (he's a waiter in their fancy dining room-so cute), and speaking lots of French and Spanish--he's in year 4 for both.

(A thrift store painting for the laundry room.)

A few things I plan to write about soon, now that I'm turning my attention back to this space:

*Our kitchen backsplash!

*Our summer trip to Quebec City

*Wardrobing for autumn and winter (I'm determined to resuscitate my wardrobe; in the winter it dips sharply in the direction of jeans--which are really not that comfortable--or, worse, sweatshirts at home...which have a tendency to make me look frumpy)

*Grief and how it evolves

*Work and how I have tried, and am trying, to assimilate my (admittedly minimal) work life into the most important work I do--raising children, keeping house, cooking meals, being a wife......

*What my father's death reminded me about how to live

*Knitting hopes and dreams and plans--and realities

Life is full and beautiful and busy and quiet. And I love a new season!

Summer Begins

Today is Finn's 16th birthday.  Yes.  My little tow-headed toddler is sixteen years old.  Mothers of little ones, don't blink.  Truly. 

Finn asked for two things for his birthday: a DNA test (he's very interested in origins!) and opera tickets.  He'll be getting both of those.  He wanted a British theme (last year was Mexican, the year before was French), so this morning we had a full English breakfast (baked beans, toast, an egg, sausages, bubble and squeak, tea).  After piano lesson, we enjoyed fish and chips at a local spot, then spent an hour walking on the path that runs through our city.  This evening we plan to have a full tea. It's a pleasure to celebrate him! He finished his schoolyear with straight As, including close to perfect grades in physics, French 3, Spanish 3, and world geography.  Algebra was a little lower, but still a solid A.  He spent a lot of time traveling in the fall semester, and performed in three different theatrical or ballet productions this spring.  And he has scored his first job, which he'll start this summer: working in dining services at a retirement facility nearby, helping the residents who live there get their drinks, silverware, and meal.  Finn is an "old soul," so I feel sure he'll fit right in with the residents! I suspect they'll love him. 

Finn's birthday also marks the start of summer for me--school has wound down, and we've got a few months stretched out in front of us.  This summer we plan to travel (anyone have neat things to do in upstate SC or in Georgia, especially in the Macon or Columbus areas?  Likewise, recommendations for things to do along the I-81 corridor through Pennsylvania and New York?), but I'm trying to keep summer as calm and free as possible.  We need to breathe. Last weekend we had a ballet recital, threw a big party for my husband's colleagues, and went to the Big City 3 hours away to have Annie's very first pointe shoe fitting!  This week I'm trying to take a more relaxed pace. :) 

One thing I am working on this summer is developing some good habits that we can implement for our children.  Last year was intense.  My father's illness, the extensive travel, the first year of high school for Finn, multiple performances....we got through it, but as we were navigating the waters, I realized we needed some stronger habits. So I'm taking some time over the next couple of weeks to chart out some new ways of making sure we are all engaging in the healthiest habits we can, in terms of our daily routine, exercise, study and reading habits, domestic life, and so on.  Maybe I'll be able to share some tidbits of that soon. 

What else is happening here?

*Our farm just acquired nearly 5 dozen sheep! Ewes and lambs (the resident ram will be staying at another premises until his services are required).  They're darling!!!! These are the first sheep for the farm. So pastoral. 

*After a spring of not reading much, I'm ambitious to hit the books again.  I'm gathering up some lists and recommendations. If you have any good ones to share, please do.  I love audiobooks as well as paper books!

*I will share a photo of my new kitchen backsplash soon.  I love it--it's just right for our space. Very simple and pretty.....

*My brother-in-law and I pulled weeds and mulched the flower beds here, and it looks so great.  Six tons of mulch later, we've got things under control.  I had two roses die back to the root stock (Dr Huey, for those of you who know these things), and he dug those out for me, as well as a few small trees who had decided to start growing in our flower beds.  I think they look a little "too" tidy now, but I'm not complaining.  It's good to have things back under control, since I didn't get to work in the yard last summer, with my travels to Charleston.

Time to assemble the cucumber sandwiches and hang the Union Jack bunting.....I love Finn and his birthday themes!

Beautiful Spring

 The spring has flown past--so many good things have happened, are happening.  I barely have time to sit and have a morning cup of coffee. These days are so different than the days when my children were little! What a blessing to have such a full life--I always remind myself of that.  Life is full of seasons and this is a *full* season.....

Here are a few fun details from this spring:

*In early May, Annie challenged me to wear skirts or dresses with her every day for a month.  We are having so much fun!!  We take a photo of ourselves every day.  We are both allowed three "cheat" days just in case (I have only used one, the day last weekend when I had to take Mr. Darcy to the emergency vet--I wore jeans and a sweatshirt!).  I appreciate that I genuinely look nicer most of the time than I otherwise would, and Annie appreciates that I'm going along with her ideas.  The only negative is that we were hoping to wear more long skirts (aesthetically, Annie likes something in the midi-to-ankle range), but they're really hard to find.  Most of mine are around knee-length, which works fine. Sewing would fix that problem, but: see the first paragraph on busy-ness. :)

One exception is workout/work clothing for gardening or exercise.  I've been wearing my Duluth Trading Company gardening bibs (in candy pink, it's true) off and on for days.  These are the best!  In fact, as soon as my coffee is done this morning, I'll be wearing them....and for ballet, Annie always wears her usual leotard and tights. Otherwise, we've been skirt-clad and it has been fun!

*Annie is done with school, with what we think is sixth grade! We are treating it as such, anyhow. She grew so much this year in responsibility. She and I will continue doing math through the summer, because I don't think three months off would be beneficial for her.  But other than math and piano, she has three months of freedom spread out in front of her.  What a great feeling. Annie is 100% ready for this: she would rather be doing cartwheels around the yard or reading books in the hammock than diagramming sentences. Wouldn't we all?  She is wrapping up her 8th year of ballet, and--the biggest news of all--will be traveling to the Big City 3 hours away next weekend for her first pointe shoe fitting!.  Every night since she was about 5 years old, she has asked me when I thought she'd get pointe shoes.  We will be carpooling with her good friend Emma.  While the girls play Uno and chatter in the back, Emma's mom and I can chatter in the front. It'll be so fun!

*Finn has ONE exam left (Algebra! today!) and then he'll be done with his freshman year of high school. At the start of this year I puzzled over what to call him.  A 9th grader? A 10th grader?  We took stock of classes, his birthday (June), what he wants to do during high school, and decided to play it safe and class him as a 9th grader this year--he can always graduate early if he likes!  Algebra is his only outstanding grade, but he nailed his other classes, including Spanish 3, French 3 (for college credit!!), and Physics.  And he did this while having a truly intense year: a ton of travel in the fall (Charleston multiple times, Oregon, North Carolina) as well as my Dad's death, and then three different performances in the spring (he was in two community theatre productions and one ballet--he doesn't dance, but the director needed someone who could act!).  He has his very first job interview this morning, at a local retirement community.  Oh Finn! My little tow-headed toddler. 

*We had a coronation party!! Of course we did!  No one who knows me well would be surprised that I got out of bed at 4am, decorated with flags, made a big brunch (the day before, mind you), and borrowed a huge flat-screen TV from a neighbor for this momentous occasion.  Another neighbor and her husband arrived at 6am, and we sat down for brunch at 8:30.  Life is so fun.  The music at the coronation ceremony was beautiful!

*Right before Christmas Mr. P and I bought a new car.  (I don't recommend buying a new car 3 days before Christmas, as you'll spend the precious week before the holiday dealing with insurance, bureaucracy, and banks, but lo, we were so thankful to have found a wonderful car in this terrible market!) We'd already booked a week in the mountains of North Carolina as our summer vacation this year--we needed somewhere *not too far* since our old car was, well, old.  But with the new car, I realized: we can drive long distances again!  The children's passports are on the way.....we are going to Quebec City!!  Finn, a very serious lover of the French language, is beside himself. I've never been to Quebec City, but my father, who attended college in Boston, absolutely loved it.  It's a long drive from these parts, but we'll break it into a couple of days and make some memories along the way!

*I love my new job.  My heaviest week so far was 11.5 hours; a lighter week might be about 3. This is perfect for me.  The company could not be nicer, and the work itself is diverse and interesting without being at all stressful. I work from home, with occasional trips into the office for necessary meetings--but that's rare (once a month?). I love, love, love it, and could not be more thankful for the small amount of extra income it provides. This has been a providential gift, as the income has come at a time when we need it, and the work itself is a great fit for me. 

*We are throwing a big party for my husband's colleagues a week from tomorrow.  The amount of mulching and pea graveling happening here is epic. 

*My kitchen backsplash is finally done! We had the countertops replaced a year and a half ago, and I've been eager to get the backsplash finished (we had to focus on the kids' bathroom renovation first).  I love it.  Photos to come. 

There's much more to say: about my parents' birthdays, about the passage of time--perhaps I'll find time to stay it all soon. :)

Notes from the Deep South

 Finn, Annie, and I are in Charleston this week, spending time with my sweet stepmother.  We arrived Monday evening and are leaving tomorrow--a quick visit, squished between ballet rehearsals and play practices.  Unfortunately, we missed the azalea bloom.  There are a few shrubs still flowering, but most are done and have dropped their blossoms. Oh well! Maybe we'll hit it next year. (Two years ago we hit it at exactly the right time--which was the very end of March!)

This late winter has been busy.  Both children are in both a ballet (Finn doesn't dance, but got roped into being a man in a waltz scene!) as well as a local community theatre production.  Schoolwork is keeping Finn extremely occupied, which gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, I am so glad he has the opportunity to learn!  He loves physics, for instance.  (He loves all subjects except algebra, and even in algebra he has an A, but he doesn't love it.) But on the other hand, after many, many years of freewheeling homeschooling, being tied to classes and homework and schedules is a little bit of a bummer. At least online classes mean that school can be portable, and that he can--for better or worse--set his own study schedule.

This week I am learning to prune camellias.  My father taught me to prune azaleas, and there are hundreds of enormous ones in this year.  But he never taught me to work on a camellia! So I'm doing that now.  There are at least two dozen in this yard--I haven't actually gotten into the camellia grove itself.  So maybe there are three dozen. In any event, it's enough to keep me busy! I pruned three yesterday before smashing my fingers in the garage door.  Life is always an adventure.....

The wisteria is in bloom, and it is gorgeous and smells divine.  The guy my stepmom hired to help with pruning came yesterday and went through the yard with me so that I could give him some input and guidance. I did instruct him to poison and kill the wisteria, and it did make me feel *slightly* sad.  But it's truly an invasive weed in this yard.  Perhaps one day I can have a big twisty wisteria dripping over a pergola!

I am working on my continuing legal education credits for the first time in something like 16 years.  Here's a strange story: I was, completely out of the blue, offered an ultra part-time, remote-work employment situation for a local manufacturing company. A family friend walked into the room where I was talking to his wife, and asked if I wanted to work for his company reviewing documents and contracts. It's not technically in-house counsel work, but it's sort of pseudo-in-house counsel work.  I will work almost completely from home as an employee, and they provided me with a laptop. I could not think of a single reason to say no. So I said yes. 

I set up a little office area in our schoolroom, changing my sewing desk into my working desk.  (No worries, the sewing machine has another little table now!) Last week was an intense week of training: I think I clocked a whopping 7.5 hours.  This week I don't know that I'll even clock 3.  I guesstimate that I'll work between 5-10 hours most weeks, which is just enough to learn and enjoy, I think, without negatively impacting my duties at home and my ability to rest and exercise. 

But in the interim, I need to amass some CLEs so that I can switch back to being an active member of the state bar.  When I last took CLEs, I did not know how to knit.  Now I do! And I am happy to combine the two.

More good things in life right now--

Listening to The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in its entirety on the way down here; looks like it'll be Prince Caspian on the way back tomorrow. The children and I decided we'll listen to all of the Narnia books this year on our road trips!

A second cup of coffee every morning in Charleston, a luxury I do not allow myself to have at home

Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy turned one last Friday; Annie made them birthday hats and they tried their first canned food.  They were unimpressed by both. But goodness, I love those cats.  Especially Bingley. 

Gas logs in the living room during an unusually chilly snap in South Carolina--perfect for that second cup of coffee

Spending quiet moments talking with my stepmother.  She is such a sweet person. I am so thankful for the way she looked after my father in his illness. 

Cuddles with Annie.  She may be twelve years old, but she's still a little peanut and she still likes a nice cozy snuggle.

Marveling at how my son is now officially taller than I am. Wasn't he just a tow-headed toddler walking with me down the lane, looking at Queen Anne's Lace?  Time, you do move so swiftly.  Slow down just a bit....just for a little while.

Finn saying the Lord's Prayer every night with us in unison...but he says it in French. So lovely. 

100 Years

 My great aunt turned 100 in mid-February, following in the footsteps of her mother (my great-grandmother, otherwise known as "Nanny") and her own aunt (otherwise known as Pauline, who lived to be--I believe--105), and another aunt, who lived to be very close to 100, I believe. Those are long-lasting genes. 

Her birthday party was in her home city, three hours away.  I took a solo road trip down for the day to celebrate at her favorite Italian restaurant, braving the traffic in that city of roughly a million people. I used the express lane once I got to the city and still sat in traffic for an hour (car accident!), but even though I left at 5pm--very scary!--I flew out of town with no problems at all. I got to see my Alabama second and third cousins--I hadn't seen them in years  (Mobile is far away, y'all!) and meet the next generation of little cousins--adorable! My aunt Mary is just amazing for being 100 years old--and she seemed to enjoy her party very much. It is astonishing to think of all the changes she has seen occur during her lifetime. Driving back home into the mountains I listened to my Dad's favorite country/bluegrass album, one of those collections that I heard over and over and over again when I was a child (I recommend!).  It was a really, really sweet day.

Because there were too many bouquets leftover, her children sent me home with this beautiful arrangement, which we've been enjoying ever since. I have to toss it out today, but it has made me realize I miss having fresh flowers around!  I used to have them all the time, but as life has gotten busier, that's one thing that has slipped through the cracks. No more!

Happy birthday, great-aunt Mary.  

Clean and White

 Last year around the time my dad was diagnosed with cancer, our contractor began the huge project of demolishing our children's bathroom (which also doubles as the bathroom our guests use).  It desperately, desperately needed renovating!

It was the only room on the main level without a window. I remember when my mom built the house, she'd hoped to put a window in, but with a standard fiberglass shower insert, they couldn't make it work.  In a house this bright and open, the bathroom always felt dark and closed!

A few years ago the exhaust fan began working only spottily.  With so little ventilation in such a highly-used room, I had to adopt the practice of scrubbing the shower free of the mildew that would pepper the ceiling.

The exposed-bulb-light-strip was original to the house, but my husband and I had replaced the original mirror, countertop (pink formica to this dappled granite) sometime when Finn was a toddler. I had painted the cabinet cream, and the walls a sage green.  

Somewhere along the line, a Person Who Shall Remain Unnamed cracked the cabinet door. The sink cabinet was low, which was great when my children were itsy bitsy, but Finn is already taller than I am at 15, and I suspect he's got more growth to accomplish.  It was almost comical to see anyone brush their teeth or wash their face at this sink, crouched so far over.....it just didn't work for our family of older children!

We started to joke that the bathroom was demolishing itself: one day the toilet lid just fell right off.  And the linoleum on the floor (also original 1993) had started to peel up and back. The bathroom never "felt" clean, even when I scrubbed it to within an inch of its life, and that annoyed me. Ew.

Over one of our 20th anniversary dinners (we had several!) in 2019, my husband casually suggested we redo the bathroom. I almost fell out of my chair.  My husband is THE most frugal person.  At the time, we had several other large house projects happening, so we waited until the dust settled on those, and got our contractor (who is also our across-the-lane neighbor, a Mennonite, and one of the most wonderful humans you'll ever meet--not to mention a top-notch builder who does a beautiful job with everything) to take a look and give us a quote. I got cold feet after receiving the quote, but my husband encouraged me to just go forward with it.  So we did.

Paul started demolition the week my Daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. He gutted the entire room down to the studs.  It was epic. After that week, I came home, asked my mother-in-law to stay with my children for a day, and literally picked out every single thing for the new bathroom in one fell swoop, an unprecedented approach for me. But I knew I'd have to spend a lot of time traveling and in Charleston, and I wanted to have it all picked and off my plate!  Fortunately, I had a pretty strong vision for what I liked.  That helped. Also, my husband had no opinion at all, on anything, so I was given carte blanche on the whole project. I appreciate that about my husband. :)

Hexagonal marble tiles, a window, beveled subway tile: a beauty to behold. I'm really happy with this bathroom and so grateful my husband insisted we go ahead with this project.

The window has just been fabulous! I wanted an awning-style so that there's no visual interruption to the view out the back of the property (it's all our family farmland, and the window is very high, so no privacy worries).  We have more-than-adequate ventilation, and bright light!  I don't really like normal subway tile, but I love the beveled tile because it adds dimensionality, and it's really not much more expensive than regular subway tile.  We used white grout on the walls because I don't like contrast between white tiles.

The countertop is quartz. I discovered that I don't like granite, but I do like quartz.  It's simple and very easy to care for, and though it's sort of a luxury finish, on a cabinet this size it was not too expensive at all. 

I had the cabinetmaker build something very simple and a lot taller than what we had before, and kept my fingers crossed that I would like the color that I chose (ran to the paint store, picked out Benjamin Moore's "Smoke," and gave it to the cabinetmaker--he used that color for his lacquering). I was so relieved when it came in and looked exactly like I wanted it to look.  I don't usually gamble so recklessly with paint colors.  This is probably my favorite color in the world, a soft blue-grey. The little cabinet pulls are pretty little trinkets from Anthropologie.

Went for a taller toilet, too.  

I appreciate the nod to bathing that the painting implies.  I bought that painting several years ago with a whole group of others at the thrift store, and it definitely belongs right here.  (Here's the story on that amazing find!) It needed to be framed, but I didn't feel like committing to a frame, either mentally or monetarily, so I used a fun trick: black duct tape to cover the raw edges and staples and paint smudges. Viola, looks great. 

Now this tiny little space is so bright and pretty. And when I clean it, it feels clean!

Major thanks to my husband for the encouragement and to Paul for his beautiful workmanship. 

Sneak Peek of the Bathroom Renovation

All the details tomorrow! I'm so thankful that this project is done and that it turned out so well. 

And that I just happened to have a painting of a bathing goose (I think it's a goose; it's a goose, right?!) sitting around, waiting for its perfect spot!