Autumn Means Sage and Pink

For me, autumn is about the colors sage and pink.  (But I do still put out orange pumpkins--on our deck!)

I took this photo on an 8-mile hike with my husband on our 20th anniversary weekend "staycation."  Moss and leaves, so beautiful to my eye!

On the porch, this translates to lots of cream, with bits of sage and pink.

I took this grapevine wreath we had in our garage and added some pink flowers....I am not good at wreath-making, but I can do something simple like this! And I like the simple look better anyhow. 

The pillows I used here this summer were patterned with blue and green. I covered them with neutral covers and I love, love, love how it calms my eye when I look outside. 

Peachy and white mums, galvanized buckets (we've had them forever), sage pumpkins, the asparagus fern, and the old guard dog.  I think I'd like to put new shutters or something around my front windows, but I'm not sure what yet.

I am trying to read out here as much as possible before the weather gets cold....I just love the colors of the porch in fall. Simple and pretty.  The porch is old and nothing to write home about, but it's not hard to make it into a cozy spot for tea drinking and chatting with a child.  The other day I couldn't find Annie, and she was out here with a book!  

We're all loving it....even old Bosco!

Occupation: Homemaker

Last week I was filling out a form at the orthodontist's office and was writing down all the pertinent information that they need in order to treat my children, when my pen hovered over "occupation."

Occupation.

My mind raced to all the interesting professions my friends are peaking in right now.  We're at an age where most of them have worked in their chosen field for 15 years or so and they're hitting new heights in their careers.  My good friends are now tenured university professors, published authors, partners in law firms, licensed psychologists.

My pen paused, hesitated, as my mind raced through the list of occupations my friends have, occupations for which they are getting paid (very well, in nearly all cases).  Occupations that present a specific identity to the outside world.  

Then, as my pen continued to hover, I thought about my own occupations.  I do not earn an income, although my earning potential as an attorney is in the six-figure range. I do not attend lavish social functions, which was part of the job when I practiced law in the private sector.  I am not making a name for myself in the legal world.  I haven't practiced law in any official, paid capacity in over 10 years, and I do not wish to start again anytime soon. I also write, but I wouldn't really classify that as an occupation for me.

What is my occupation? Options swirled in my head: stay-at-home mother?  Homeschooling parent?  Teacher?  Housekeeper?  Laudress???

That blank space stared back at me as I thought of all the things I do every day. Little images of our daily life, as simple as it is, flitted in and out of my mind.  Hundreds of walks down our gravel country lane. Washing off the eggs from our chickens.  Fluffing up pillows. Rearranging a bookshelf.  Drinking a cup of tea and listening to the birds.  Washing countless dishes. Changing lightbulbs. Planting flowers.  Braiding my daughter's hair.  Cooking dinner. Mending clothes. Painting a piece of furniture. Washing the sliding doors.  My occupations.

I've been at these occupations for over 14 years now, after I left the full-time practice of law with no plan except to stay at home and be mistress of my own domain.  I had to learn everything from scratch. I didn't know how to do so many things.  I learned by doing, by making mistakes, by reading books, by praying, by reading blogs, by watching YouTube videos, by thinking, and by trying to learn what, exactly, I was after in the making of a home.



(The front porch in autumn.)

After nearly 15 years of it, am I at the peak of my "career"? Am I hitting new heights?  It's an amusing question to ponder.  By God's grace and practicing a lot of self-discipline, I've improved.....but I don't have a paycheck to show for it, or any public accolades. I don't even make a "career" out of keeping house, in any kind of Martha Stewart-esque way: I don't decorate my house impressively, don't bake intimidating cakes, don't do any sumptuous entertaining. I do the best I can, and am not looking for public approval of it.

As I sat there at the orthodontist's office, I thought of all of this, and wrote "homemaker" in the blank.  I thought of what a simple word it is, and how it barely scratches the surface of who I am or what I do, and isn't going to earn me any respect in the eyes of most of the world, but it's what I decided I wanted to do when I was in my mid-twenties. I wanted to make a home.  I wanted to learn what that meant. 

(Our simple, small living room, with the geriatric dog, the used furniture, and the coziness of home.)

I turned in the form with "homemaker" written on it, and I wondered at what in the world would have motivated someone as motivated as I always was for the first quarter-century of my life to leave the things the world (and some of my family) told me were alluring and valuable in order to do something so mundane that the people who *are* paid to do it are among the lowest-paid in our society.

I think it was love (of my husband, of the children we did not yet have, and also of myself, simply because the job made me sick and unhealthy) and a genuine desire to create a stable, healthy home life.  It had become clear to me that my long-term career trajectory was at sharp odds with my vision of home life.  Working 60 hours a week didn't feel like enough. I brought work home constantly.  I took files on our 5th anniversary getaway.  I knew it wasn't sustainable. 

And I deeply desired something I did not know well, because my childhood sometimes felt chaotic and disorderly to my quiet, orderly nature: I desired a steady, routine, peaceful life.  I had absolutely no idea how to bring that to fruition, I didn't understand how to manage my home, I had no experience, no background of it at all, no mentor. But this force within me knew I had to make the change. 

(Does it go without saying that I'm not insisting that a career and a happy home life are mutually exclusive? Of course they are not.  But the reality of the constraints of time and energy cannot be denied, and anyone who is realistic understands that life involves trade-offs.)

So at the orthodontist's office that day, as we sat and waited to be called back, I thought about all of these things. I sat there and looked at the children who were only figments of my imagination 15 years ago. I thought about our house, which is homey and happy.  I thought about the childhood my children are having--a childhood that sometimes astonishes me in its sweetness, innocence, and simplicity. And I was grateful to be able to write "homemaker" in that little blank space. It means so much more than I thought it did when I was a college student contemplating her future! 

Healing Homeschool Burnout

Over the past couple of months I haven't written much here, but when I have written, I've mentioned how strangely difficult things have been for me.  One of the issues I faced was that for the first time in my life, I felt burned-out from homeschooling. It was only the beginning of the schoolyear and I did not want to homeschool!! The very idea of it exhausted me and the thought of all of the activities I had to manage panicked me. 

I had to dive deeply into the root of it and think about what is going on, and what the solution is.  

As October comes to a close, I'm grateful to say that I think the storm has passed.  

This year I didn't take much of a summer break (my first mistake).  We also added more activities than ever, but they are things we genuinely value that I cannot teach--piano, violin, ballet, robotics, Spanish, and French, plus our weekly co-op.  (If you're wondering about the Spanish and French, it's because Finn has studied French for a few years and wants to add Spanish--so we did.  This is completely self-motivated.)

Once August arrived and I was surveying what our weekly schedule would look like, I got totally overwhelmed.  And we were also chasing down some physical symptoms so I was having medical tests done, which was distracting.  I simply wanted to organize closets and mulch flower beds, not teach math.  I remember sitting down with my husband a few weeks ago and saying I just don't know what's wrong with me--I cannot get my head in the game this year!!

He laughed. He loves sports analogies. 

I got some advice, prayed, got more advice, prayed more, journaled, and tried to slowly get to the root of my issues.  I don't want to homeschool solely out of a sense of duty, lacking joy in the journey.  I'm an enthusiastic, joyful person....but I wasn't feeling that at all.  So I took it seriously that I needed to heal this burnout.

One morning I was reminded of this verse from Hebrews:

"...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us..." -Hebrews 12:1

And I thought of how burdened I had allowed myself to be with expectations and distractions. I felt it was the nudge of the Holy Spirit to get me to consider what weights and sins were getting in the way of my patience and my "race."  Once I began to analyze this, everything started to fall into place. 

Here are the things that helped me:

1. I wrote already about simplifying, praying, and leaning on God. When I try to do everything myself, without spending time in thoughtful reading and thinking/prayer each day, my life unravels. So that's the first thing. 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

2. I went back to outsourcing a few things.  I use grocery pick-up at Kroger and Sam's Club, and organize those pick-ups after a day of errands. I am (admittedly) using some convenience foods for lunch sometimes--I have used an organic boxed macaroni and cheese, and a frozen organic pizza.  We don't do this daily, but sometimes it is helpful to have a convenience food on hand! And I've already mentioned that I have some help with housework.  What a blessing. I know I will not have housework help forever, and I still have plenty of housework to do on my own, but for now, I'm grateful for it.  

3. I went back to my practice of keeping a reasonable stock of freezer meals ready to to be baked or tossed in the crockpot.  This is so, so helpful for me on busy days.  We are frugal and health-conscious, and doing this saves money and ensures that we have quick, healthy foods to eat.

4. I decided to pick my top 3 priorities every day and focus on doing those things.  And I tried to let everything else go.  If other things fit into my day, then great! But if not, that's okay: I try to get those 3 things done, and that's it.  This will look different for everyone, but for me my daily top 3 priorities are: homeschooling/children's educational activities, Bible reading/journaling/praying/writing (these I lump together because they take different forms on different days, but it's the same idea: quiet time!), and exercise.  Most days I try to add in violin practice also. 

5.  I gave myself permission to relax. A hot bath at the end of the day.  A few minutes on the front porch with a book.  Puttering in my sewing room.  Cuddling with a child. It's all so simple, but when I get overwhelmed, I want to do more and not less!  But I need to relax. 

6. I began limiting social media consumption that showed pictures of people's gorgeously-decorated homes.  Sometimes this is fun.  Sometimes it is demoralizing. :)  

7.  I decided that even if I didn't have time to deeply organize various area of my house--I love to organize--I would create tidy piles and make peace with them, knowing I will get to them eventually. 

8. This goes along with #4, but I began to be sure to be alone inside my head every day. An extrovert might need to talk on the phone with someone else, but for me, I need to read, think, and process.  Having the mental space to do this for a while each day is essential to me. 

9. I began reading books that aren't telling me how to be better at anything. I am a lover of non-fiction, and I always want to improve.  So a lot of my reading is focused on improvement: homemaking, homeschooling, health, faith, finances, etc.  But I also need to read books for the sheer pleasure of reading!  Fiction and poetry are the answers for me. I love to relax with a chapter of fiction and a few poems at the end of the day. It's the pause that refreshes!

10.  I created a checklist for each of my children's schoolwork and we are following it each day.  As it turns out, Finn and I both have personalities which do not like open-ended situations.  He wants a list.  He wants to know what to do.  He likes the feeling of getting things done. And so do I! At 12, Finn would rather spend hours doing schoolwork than having a "free day."  (Is this strange? I am not sure! He is my oldest, so I never know....) We implement it with flexibility, and I approach it with my usual minimalist mindset, but this has helped us both tremendously.  Having a written guide for the week's work is comforting for me right now! It makes me feel MUCH less overwhelmed than having a more open-ended approach to schooling. 

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We aren't going to quit our activities; we like and value them each too much. I have had seasons in life when we have needed to put activities on pause, but I had the strong sense that this was not one of those seasons.  For me, healing burnout has required focusing on my top priorities, keeping meals and routines simple, relaxing a little bit each day, and creating  more structure (although not more subjects!) in our homeschool day.

After a couple of difficult months, I finally feel like I've healed.  My enthusiasm and delight are back, and I don't feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  I think I'm back to running the race with patience--not with speed, or my own strength, or impatience--but with grace and a steady pace.  

Charlotte Mason Minimalism: Reconciling the 13th Principle with Real Life (Part 2, the Practical)

Earlier this year I decided to write a little bit about homeschooling within the parameters of the Charlotte Mason educational philosophy, but doing it in a minimalistic, simple way. I think this is a topic that is important to get "out there" because I know so many mothers who feel like utter failures because they aren't doing things the way Mason did in her schools.  Perhaps they aren't doing geography walks, or dry brush painting, or Plutarch, or whatever, and as such they feel a constant sense of overwhelm and under-achievement, while wondering if they're really homeschooling their children well, because their days simply do not look like the well-planned-out, beautifully-scheduled days we sometimes associate with Charlotte Mason. 

And I know all of these struggles quite well because I love and admire Charlotte Mason, but I have never, not once, successfully "done it all."  My homeschool does not look like a PNEU school. It looks like a home, with all of the seasons and issues and interruptions and distractions that accompany real home life. 

So how can we reconcile the 13th principle--the beautiful concept of the educational "feast"--with the reality of life? 

I have pondered this so much over the past 2 years; first, during and after cancer treatments, and second, this summer and early fall, as I experienced--for the first time ever--what I think has been actual burnout.  I am getting better now, and I'll write more about that sometime. (It had a lot less to do with school than it did with life!) But it certainly has caused me to re-evaluate (for what seems like the hundredth time) what we are doing, and how we do it. 

I think sometimes we, as homeschooling mothers, are quite narrow in our definition of what counts as school.  Loosening this definition is by far the most important practical thing to do in order to reconcile the "feast" idea with the reality of everyday life.

Much of what our children naturally do (when they aren't distracted by screens--so screen time limits are, in my opinion, essential!) falls within the "feast."  Sewing.  Working with clay.  Origami. Sitting down and watching ants busy themselves on a sidewalk.  Cracking open a book and getting immersed in a story.  Singing songs.

I still need--as much for my own sake as anything else--to be sure certain things are covered in a structured way, but I am also willing to let go of a planned, structured lesson if I see a child who is engaged in something worthy that I haven't planned at all.  When my children were littler, Legos and imaginative play definitely counted.

As children get older, of course the expectations for schoolwork increase.  I suspect all children are different, but so far my experience with a child on the cusp of the teenage years is that children will seek out and pursue educational opportunities that interest them, and the parent can shift even more into a facilitator role for certain subjects.

Not long ago my son and I were talking about how minimalistic his schooling seems to be. He's in middle school now, so we were trying to decide if we should we add more, and if so, what?  Then we counted what he does regularly, and it included over a dozen "subjects!" So we decided we're satisfied with the status quo at this time--although we are adding more formal science work.

In addition to widening the definition of schooling, as I mentioned above, here are my top practical tips for spreading the "feast" while still maintaining a feeling of minimalism:

1.  Keep a retroactive educational journal. (My favorite tip!) Lesson plans are fine (and I do use a checklist/plan for Finn, whose workload is heavier), but I often like to write down what we did in a day after the day is done, and then marvel at how well those things fit into "school" categories. Perhaps we didn't do dictation every day, but we did it twice during the week: well, that counts! Perhaps I hadn't planned on a nature walk, but we found a crazy-looking caterpillar outside and spent an hour studying it, learning about it, and drawing it.  That counts! Perhaps at lunch a child asked a question about what caused the Korean War, and we spent the next hour reading the encyclopedia and discussing what we've read, then applying it to other conflicts and current political situations.  That counts! (All 3 of those are real-life examples from my home!) I do not keep the journal every day, but I love reading it and thinking about how natural learning opportunities arise in our home.

2. It's better to do a little bit every day than to engage in any "boom or bust" activity. If doing school for 6 hours a day seems overwhelming--well, don't do it. (I can't do it!)  Through years of trial and error, I'm finding the things--math curricula, books--that we can do consistently.  I'd rather do an hour of school each day than hit the books super hard for a week, get exhausted, and then need a week to recover.  Whatever you do, make sure it's sustainable.

3.  Decide on the non-negotiables and focus on those, then let other things fill in the gaps.This will change from child to child and grade to grade. I pick 3-5 non-negotiable subjects that I want to be sure each child does nearly every day (and they are different for my two children), and keep those as a "spine" for schooling.  This may seem to be antithetical to the "feast" idea, but in my experience, having a  few non-negotiables that make you feel good, and then adding in other things, results in a wide array of subjects.

4. Keep planning simple.  I have written before about my index card system. It's so simple! I don't do this now, but it worked well for us for a season, and I've reverted back to it on occasion when I want a change.  I have little desire to create detailed lesson plans, so for Annie my approach is simply "do the next thing."  For our shared subjects (Shakespeare, history, picture study, etc) I just do the next part of the reading, or the next painting in the packet.....no planning required. At 12, Finn now wants clear directions and a daily checklist, so I've started to fill out a table for him at the start of the week--and he fills out a lot of it himself for the subjects he manages on his own--but I keep it quite basic. It's essentially a "do the next thing" approach as well! Everyone will tackle this in a different way, but for me, less is more when it comes to lesson plans. It's the sustainability issue, once again--whatever we do must be sustainable.

5. Make curricula work for you, not the other way around.  Never be a slave to the curriculum, no matter how rich, beautiful, and good it is.  There's no homeschool policeman who says a child has to complete an entire lesson in 1 day, or do two dozen subjects, or finish by noon, or....anything!  The curriculum works for the teacher.  Using a curriculum in small bites consistently is worlds better than trying to tackle it all, getting stressed and overwhelmed, and bagging it. 

6. Don't look around.  Comparison is the thief of joy; I'm sure we've all experienced this.  There's a reason for that cliche.  When we look at what other people are doing, it's so easy to get discouraged!  But really, God has given us each our particular children with their own particular needs, and we need to put on our blinders and stay focused on what's in front of us, not comparing our school schedules or (please!!) children to other people's.......there's so much rich learning in every single day!  But we need to be able to focus and see it for ourselves, without reference to who is doing what out in Instagramland.

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I love to read about Charlotte Mason schools. I love looking at timetables and imagining how lessons went for children in those schools, and I love thinking about all the many subjects that are covered by a Mason education.  But in my own daily life, I have to implement this educational philosophy with flexibility and discernment. 

And if you're a bit of a minimalist, there may be a little more time in the day for drinking tea and reading!  That's a win in my book!