Thursday, January 23, 2020

Consistency v. Rigidity

Today on my walk I was thinking about consistency, about the value of consistency, and how tiny bits and pieces of things done consistently bear so much fruit over time. 

I have seen this in so many realms, including:

*Finn's piano education.  Daily (or nearly-daily) practice for 6 years.  He plays so beautifully now. 

*Exercise: when I just decided to be consistent with exercise instead of heroic, I got into excellent shape!

*Keeping house: obviously staying on top of laundry and dishes, but also consistently tidying the house each day--so there's never a big mess (exceptions: the garage and the mechanical room!)

*Reading to my children: just a chapter a day, over time, adds up to so much reading.  I read a chapter from the Bible at breakfast and a chapter from a fiction book at lunch, and try to read close to a chapter of another fiction book at bedtime. Little bits and pieces, but they do add up.

*Saving money.  Just save it, set it aside....time will make it grow....

But it's funny, because I was not raised in a household that really valued consistency.  In fact, I think the primary guiding factor of my childhood was whim. This was fun in a way, but ultimately was quite difficult for me because (I now know) I am a person who prefers predictability and routine.  But for the first three decades or more of my life, I confused consistency with rigidity, and thus rejected the idea of being consistent, because I equated it with being too rigid.

Rigidity is different: it says  we always or we never and doesn't make any allowances for circumstances.  Rigidity is legalistic.  Rigidity is powering through a to-do list when really what you need is a good nap.  Rigidity makes no concessions.  Rigidity doesn't allow a child to pull out the Legos because This is When We Do Math.  And I really do not like this mindset!  So in my quest to avoid rigidity, I didn't value consistency nearly enough.

Truly, though: consistency and strong habits are what make life sweet.  

Consistency says we usually or we sometimes.  Consistency considers the circumstances and uses good judgment to determine how to proceed.  Consistency is gracious.  Consistency says the nap will benefit me more than crossing things off this list.  Consistency looks at the Big Picture and decides to let the child play with Legos, and do math later, because childhood is fleeting, and Legos are creative, and the schedule can be a little flexible.  The math still gets done, the to-do list is still crossed off, but there's flexibility and rationality in implementation. 

So I think that developing consistent, reasonable routines around the most important priorities in our lives makes good sense.  

I imagine that people raised in a more consistent setting than my own childhood home will not see the contrast between consistency and rigidity as particularly revelatory.  But I sure did!  

Monday, January 20, 2020

2019 Reading List

Every year I like to write this post--my Reader's Journal for the year! I got this idea from Nancy Kelly years ago, and I love reading people's reading lists and recommendations. You can read her most recent list here.  One of my goals (if you can say it's a goal) this year is to increase my reading time.  I love to read!

I am quite late posting this, because I am living a full life over here these days.  I am grateful for this full life and everything it entails--and what it doesn't entail, which is cancer!  I just don't carve out much time for the computer.

My favorites from this year are:


Educated (Tara Westover)



This was a fascinating and distressing look into the early life of Tara Westover, who was "homeschooled" in a fundamentalist Mormon family.  In reality, the academic aspect of her education was sparse at best. But the even more troubling part of the story was actually her parents' separatist attitudes and combined mental illness, which permitted abuse among the Westover siblings. I typically do not like to read disturbing books, but to me the redeeming quality of this book was Westover's inspiring resilience.


Living More with Less (Doris Longacre)



A classic book on living lightly and with compassion. The book discusses how our choices impact the world around us and encourages thrift and thoughtful consumption from the lens of Christian witness.  I really liked this book!


Home (Marilynne Robinson)



Gilead from another angle: this book follows the end of life story of Reverend Boughton, and gives the Jack side of the Gilead story (if you've read Gilead, you will probably know what I mean). I loved Gilead and I loved this book.  Robinson's writing is careful, slow, beautiful, poignant, heart-wrenching. I just love her work!


Thrall (Natasha Trethewey)



I admit to a personal bias in favor of Trethewey's work. (Her Native Guard is one of my favorite contemporary books of poetry.) This book is a book of poems for her father, who was one of my own mentors.  I knew him well from my perspective, and I knew what he'd told me about Natasha, and I also knew how proud he was of her when she won the Pulitzer.   I was absolutely riveted by this collection of poems.  They are raw, sad, moving, beautiful, personal, powerful.  


The full list is here, and books with an asterisk are recommended (there are a lot of those this year!):

1. Gift from the Sea* (Anne Morrow Lindbergh)(a beautiful, contemplative little book--I'll read it again at the beach someday!)

2. Real Love for Real Life* (Andi Ashworth)(inspiring for those in the trenches of caring for others)

3. LP's Six Week Program* (Louise Parker)(I have mentioned my love for Louise Parker previously, and her Lean for Life book made my top picks last year; this book is just as good, although it creates a 6-week program and goes week-by-week.  I just love her approach to exercise and health. It resonates with me.  And the thirty pounds I lost in 2018?  Still gone!  And I'm also down one additional jean size since sometime last year, without trying. Truly--her method works....because it's basic, reasonable, and doable. I do plan to do a dedicated post on her approach sometime in the next year or so.)

4. Humble Roots* (Hannah Anderson)

5. Simple Living* (Frank Kettering and Wanda Urbanski)(I read this in 2004 as a miserable lawyer with the flu and it was one of those books that shifted my perspective and helped me craft a new vision for my life...it has been fun to dive into the book again, 15 years later)

6. The Restoration of Christian Culture* (John Senior) (I'm still reading this one, but am loving it so far)

7. Living More with Less (Doris Longacre)*

8. Indestructible (Jack Lucas)(I mentioned this book here)

9.  A Philosophy of Education (Charlotte Mason)(I'll always recommend this book to anyone interested in educational philosophy)*

10. Educated (Tara Westover)*

11. Digital Minimalism (Cal Newport)*(I agree with Newport's analysis of the problems of technology and digital distraction in our day and age, but I do not agree with all of his proposed solutions. I think his solutions tend to be very effective for a man with a predictable job, but aren't effective for a mother who homeschools her children. I wanted to write an addendum for all the people out there who don't have a life that mirrors Newport's!)

12. Scale How Meditations (Charlotte Mason)* (more on this one sometime soon)

13.  The Journals of Alexander Schmeeman* (I'm still reading this one--loving it so far)

14. The Peace of Wild Things* (Wendell Berry)

15. Confessions of a Slacker Mom (Muffy Mead-Ferro)

16. Home (Marilynne Robinson)*

17. The War of Art (Steven Pressfield)(re-read)(read my original review, here)

18. Thrall (Natasha Tretheway)*

19. The Prodigal Girl* (Grace Livingston Hill)

20.  The Millionaire Next Door (Thomas Stanley) (in parts)

21. Everyday Millionaire (Chris Hogan)(for the record, I do not think becoming a millionaire is a great life goal, but it's a solid book on how to work in the direction of financial independence)

22. Homing* (Grace Livingston Hill)(I LOVED this book!)

23.  The Little Way of Ruthie Leming (Rod Dreher)

24.  The Liturgy of the Ordinary* (Tish Harrison Warren)(I'm still reading this one, on the elliptical trainer)

25. Every Moment Holy* (Douglas McKelvey) (wonderful liturgies for everyday life; I highly recommend this book!!!)

As usual, I suspect I missed something.  And I dive in and out of many books at times, too!  But this is a pretty solid, representative list. I was happy with much of what I read last year.  This year I probably want to try to read more fiction, because I do tend to prefer to dwell in the realm of non-fiction.  So I'm starting the year off with a new novel now......

Here are my previous lists:


Happy reading!