A Late Winter Wrap-Up: Anna Karenina, Mozart, Brick and Mortar, and Eclipses!

Parenting two busy teenagers, one of whom is a classical ballet dancer in a pre-professional company, is a serious business these days! My husband recently told someone that I "run the [insert our last name] empire," and he's not wrong.  Between paying bills, keeping house, cleaning, chauffeuring, cooking, grocerying, supervising homeschool, laundry, some part-time work, and countless volunteer hours for the ballet...well, I am not bored. 

Here are a few tidbits from our busy, busy lives lately (I hope to see some calm after my daughter's spring ballet performance):

*I am in the last hour of listening to Anna Karenina (read with great success by Maggie Gyllenhaal) and I cannot wait to finish it so that I can then turn around and read everything about it--criticism, interpretations, etc.  WOW! I have so much to say about Anna, Levin, Kitty.....whew.  I can't wait to start reading about what I've been reading (surely this is one of the marks of a bibliophile?). 

*We went to our first opera last month! We saw The Marriage of Figaro and we were all heavily invested in the narrative. It was so fun!

*Our spring break trip to Charleston was cancelled due to a flat tire that suddenly appeared on my car the morning we were set to leave (with a fully-loaded vehicle, coffee and muffins in hand....).  So we stayed home and had a quiet week, and as it turned out, it was very, very good.

*Big changes are underway in schooling for my sweet Annie.  Next year she's trying a brick and mortar school--I can hardly wrap my mind around this.  But she is so excited to at least try it out.  (She knows that her fallback will always be homeschooling, and having a safety net is nice!)  She's got a few friends there already, we know several teachers/administrators, it's a small school....so it has potential.  If you know Annie, you'll probably agree that she is a powerhouse of genuine kindness and solid determination packaged in one small, long-haired, graceful human.  I am happy for her.  Finn and I won't know what to do with ourselves, but I am happy for her!

*We have reservations to head to the midwest for the eclipse--if the weather cooperates.  We've had these plans in place for nearly 7 years, since we saw the last eclipse. It was incredible.  No words. I pray we can see it again. It's especially tricky because it's theatre week for Annie--eek!

*March 27th marked the 23rd year since my mother's death, and I realized that it also marked that I've now been without my mother for half my life. I was 23 when she died, and I'm 46 now.  She was a lovely, lovely human, and I am thankful I had 23 years with her. 

*The peonies are coming up, the crabapple tree is in bloom, the tulips have popped, the bleeding hearts are rising, the lilac is purpling, and I pruned the roses last week.

Life is full and fascinating and I'm thankful for it all. 

 

Every Week: A Bouquet

 How about this?  How about posting a photo of my dining table bouquet each week?  That'll encourage me to keep the practice of fresh flowers going!

I have two sweet young ladies who help me around the house twice a month.  I hired them, with a twinge of guilt, in January of 2017, because my homeschooling had gotten more intense (with addiing a second child to the mix) and because I was starting to teach two classes at our co-op.  By the end of 2017, I felt no guilt at all: my husband had been diagnosed with cancer, and frankly, I needed all the help I could get.  They've now been coming to my house every other week for seven years. I am endlessly grateful for them. Anyhow, sometime last year they said to me, "we love coming here because it always smells so good" (which made me laugh--it's because they come on one of my "crockpot dinner" days!) "and because we love all your fresh flowers."  Well, that stopped me in my tracks, because I realized I'd not had fresh flowers consistently for quite some time.  But I loved that they associated my home with flower bouquets--that's what I want to hear, because I do really, really love flowers.

There's nothing blooming here yet, but yesterday when I ran to Kroger to pick up antibiotics for Finn (pray for Finn! he just cannot kick this whatever-it-is), I bought a $5 bouquet of baby's breath and a 40-cent markdown bouquet of fern fronds.  In a needs-to-be-polished silver pitcher, my inexpensive bouquet is a good start. 

(The only drawback here is that baby's breath smells terrible, so I do have to move it away from the table when it's time to have a meal!  But that's the price we pay, at least this week, for beauty.)

A bouquet a week.  Stay tuned for more!

Routines to Help Return to Peace

After two years of feeling "off," I am finally starting to re-orient myself to, well, myself! Have you ever gone through times when you're just not living like yourself?  

My father was diagnosed with cancer in January 2022. For the next year (he died in September 2022), I was constantly on the road between Charleston and home, juggling my children's schedules and schooling, and just trying to spend as much time with him as I could.  I knew it was unlikely that he would live even a year past diagnosis, so I worked hard to see him as much as possible.  

In 2023, I was  still trying to regain my equilibrium, but I felt "off."  I gained about ten pounds.  I wasn't reading, I wasn't putting fresh flowers on the table, and I wasn't sleeping on my normal schedule. I wasn't enjoying food, and I wasn't getting enough fresh air. I was finding myself easily distracted and unfocused. 

It was time for a change!

I knew there were things I could not change.  My days are very full, and I spend an inordinate amount of time chauffeuring my children to their various activities.  Although I could force my children to drop their activities, they find a great deal of value and purpose in them, so I'm not changing that. I have decided that the problem is not my children's busy schedules. The problem is me.

Here's what I decided to change:

*I'm sitting down to eat in a mindful way again. I've done that for years, but had gotten out of the habit with our hectic lives in 2022.  This makes a huge difference in the way I feel, in my health, and in my peace!

*I'm moving slowly!  Instead of procrastinating and never rushing, I'm committed to never rushing, which means I cannot procrastinate. ;) 

*Every day I get dressed in a way that makes me happy.  For a while I had slipped into the "leggings and sweatshirt" scenario on my at-home days.  Frankly, if I'm wearing a leggings and sweatshirt, I'm just not that productive.  I'm sure lots of people are productive in those clothes, but I need to be wearing real clothes, my hair fixed, my earrings in, my apron on!

*I'm going to commit to flowers around the house again. I miss this practice--I did it for years!  I realized I fell out of practice (for winter) when I moved to grocery pickup, because I was no longer looking at the flowers at the grocery store each week.  (In the summer? I have no excuse. My yard is full of flowers!) I haven't started this yet, but I shall. 

*I'm embracing routines again.  I get up at the same time every day, do the same routine. At night I read in bed.  I assign my weekly/recurring tasks to a time and do them then. I'm trying to get the children to bed earlier, and up earlier as well.  This generates a lot of peace for me!

These changes are simple and, for the most part, free.  And they've been very freeing as well. I feel like I'm becoming myself again--the person who enjoys good meals, fresh flowers, reading books, long walks, knitting, and happy, undistracted routines. 

Shifting Seasons

 We had an eventful January, but it was still a lot calmer than December.  I was so  thankful to get a "recovery month" with no one performing in anything!

We got a bunch of snow that cancelled the local schools all week.  School went on as usual at home, but we loved the view, and the children did some serious sledding--before the biting cold totally set in. I love how bright the valley looks when cloaked in snow. 

Annie broke her foot (by chasing Mr. Bingley on the front porch, no less) and is in a special boot, with taped toes, for now.  This is not easy for a ballet dancer!  She'll be alright. 

Seasons fascinate me; I'm so glad to live in a place where there are four solid, recognizable seasons.  But the seasons of life are the ones that interest me the most.  Things shift and change--sometimes when we're not even looking.  It's like you're buried in folding laundry and suddenly you look up, the leaves are falling, and your son is almost six feet tall. It's just like that. 

For years I've had intuition (I suspect it's the nudge of the Holy Spirit) related to shifts. When I turned 40 I felt a major shift and had no idea what it would entail.  A few months later, my husband was diagnosed with cancer.  Oh, so THAT is what this will entail, I thought. I've felt it at other points in life, too. 

I feel that shift again now.  I'm not sure what is brewing or what direction the shift will take. I just feel like I'm on a ship heading in one general direction, and that somewhere below me the current has changed, and I'm still headed in the general direction I set out to go, but I feel like we're going to get there by a different route.  What is it?  I approach this with genuine curiosity.  I don't fear it, because I trust the captain. :)  I wonder!

The Goodness of God

 Today at church during our quiet personal prayer time, the worship leader sang "The Goodness of God."  I've heard this song plenty of times, but somehow today was different. Today I just shut my eyes and listened, and saw my life through the lens of these words.  

 I love you, Lord/for your mercy never fails me/All my days, I've been held in Your hands/From the moment that I wake up/Until I lay my head/Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I thought about waking up in the morning, either in the dark or as the sun starts to break through (I face east in my bed, so the rising sun hits me!), and how thankful I am to be alive, and then at night, I'm so tired that often my only prayer is thank you, thank you. 

I love Your voice/You have led me through the fire/In the darkest night/You are close like no other/I've known You as a father, I've known You as a friend/And I have lived in the goodness of God

So many images rushed through my mind.  The long night that I endured as I miscarried our third child--the brutal emotional pain of that experience.  The deep, difficult nights at the end of my father's life, when I was the only one awake in the house, sitting vigil at his side to be sure he wouldn't try to get up and fall down. I never slept. When I needed to wash sheets or change linens (often) I woke my sister up, but otherwise the house was quiet. I knew I wasn't alone. God was watching with me. 

Cause your goodness is running after, it's running after me...with my life laid down/I'm surrendered now/I give you everything/Cause your goodness is running after me.....

For years I ran in the opposite direction of God, and His goodness showed up constantly, in unexpected places, pursuing me. And the surrender that has had to occur when I've reached the end of my own abilities...I could see flashes of my husband's cancer, my father's cancer, moments with my children when I wasn't sure what to do, difficulties in my extended family...the surrender to God that is so hard, but such a relief. 

And all my life You have been faithful/And all my life You have been so, so good/With every breath that I am able/Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

Life can be hard. I don't understand most of what happens, or why, but I try to turn, over and over again, in the direction of trust and surrender to the goodness of God. 

2023 Reader's Journal

 My Reader's Journal from last year is woefully bare, primarily because I kept forgetting to write down what I was reading.  I also started a new job, and that did cut into my reading time. I'm hopeful that this year I will remember to keep track and that I will make more time to read.  I read more books than this for sure--but these are the only ones I remembered to write down (and I'm terrible at trying to remember this far after the fact!).  I put an asterisk beside the ones I liked the best.

1. Dear Bob and Sue (Matt and Karen Smith)(this is a very funny book that I read when I went to the Bahamas last winter)

2. Middlemarch* (George Eliot)(this is a re-read, but I'm not done with it yet)

3. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe* (CS Lewis)(Audible)

4. Prince Caspian* (CS Lewis)(Audible)

5. How We Die (Sherwin Nuland)

6. Several books related to practicing law (ie, contract drafting and so on)

7. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader* (CS Lewis)(Audible)(I LOVE THIS ONE!)

8. Re-Creations* (Grace Livingston Hill)

9. Digital Minimalism (Cal Newport)(another re-read) 

10. Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstory)(I'm not finished with this, so please, no spoilers! I'm about 3/4 of the way through....and I'm going to withhold my opinion until I see how it ends)

11. Debt Free U* (Zac Bissonnette)(super useful information for how to attain a college degree while taking on zero debt--this is really important to our family) 

12. Heidi* (Johanna Spyri)(with Annie-we love this sweet story)

13. The Death of Ivan Ilych* (Tolstoy)--this one is motivated me to begin Anna Karenina.  The Death of Ivan Ilych was excellent; I had read it in college, but reading it now, in midlife, after all the water that has passed under the bridge...it was completely different, and so, so good. 

....see? Pitiful! 

I read multiple books on college admissions and paying for college, the titles of which escape me (mostly library books).  I read lots of essays. I dipped into some old favorites, such as The War of Art, to read favorite sections. I think I did a lot of that "dipping into" books this year! In fact, 2023 may have been my Worst Adult Year Ever for real, meaty reading.  In reflecting upon this, I do think my job was a major factor. I read a lot for work. 

So this year I hope to read a lot more books for just plain fun. :) 

Find my other reader's journals, and some good quotes, here. Happy reading! 

An Advent Recovery Week

 This morning I am sitting under a blanket, sipping coffee, in pajamas, at 9:30am-which seems luxurious to the point of lazy, and it very well may be, but I'm in "recovery mode" from the Nutcracker, so I'm giving myself lots of grace. 

Whew! Another year of the Nutcracker is behind us!  If you've had a classical ballet dancer in your home, you know the intensity of which I speak. Two weeks prior, she had 12 hours of "appearances" to do at a cookies-and-Santa event, in addition to her usual 13ish hours of ballet lessons.  The week of, she had 70 hours of Nutcracker rehearsals and performances in 9 days.  I worked about 40 hours at the theatre that week.  On Sunday we came home, changed into pajamas, ate pizza, and rested. (And while all that was going on, Finn had opening weekend for the community theatre play he's in this year! So in the course of 4 days, my children had 8 performances.) Finn has 4 more performances left and then we are done. I am thankful for the opportunities my children have to develop poise, self-discipline, confidence, and to be a part of these organizations (our local community theatre, in particular, is a nurturing, familial, and fun environment for my teenage boy, who isn't into sports!).  

On Monday I worked on laundry, bills, and making sure I had all my ducks in a row for the week, and yesterday I did more laundry (and Annie got braces!).  Today will be a day for finishing laundry, deep cleaning, and setting out more Christmas decor.  Tomorrow I will get the card table out of the garage and start wrapping gifts! I'm taking my recovery week slowly. :) 

Last Christmas I was quite sad, and we didn't do any of the usual Christmas things--only the bare minimum (Nutcracker, gifts, a tree, Christmas day brunch and evening party). This year I've got a list and we're going to enjoy these things:

*baking plenty of types of Christmas cookies

*going into town to see the Christmas tree displays in the village

*going into the Big City to see more trees (sense a theme?)

*the annual "get into pajamas, make cocoa, and drive around looking at Christmas lights" tradition

*Doing crazy "who hair" on each other and then watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (don't ask)

*plenty of hymns played on the piano and sung together--I LOVE Advent and Christmas music! I'd say sacred music and white lights inside my house are my favorite things of all at Christmastime.

*reading through our basket of Christmas books that I keep under the tree

*Watching a few Christmas movies ("It's a Wonderful Life" is my favorite)

*baking fruitcake. I really debated about this because I always made fruitcake for my father, who loved it.  Last year I didn't do any Christmas baking except that, driven by uncontrollable urges, I baked fruitcakes--even though Daddy wasn't here to enjoy them.  This year after I talked to my stepmom, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed the fruitcakes, I decided to continue the tradition. 

And of course, a few days after Christmas we will leave for the annual New Year's trip to Charleston. 

Life is full and poignant and beautiful and sometimes hard..... and I am thankful for it.  

Happy Advent!