Fighting the Plague of Inadequacy

Recently I was thinking about social media and its (many, in my opinion) drawbacks.  One issue I see constantly is that it seems to foster a sense of inadequacy and quiet competition among women, and this can lead to discouragement and frustration.  

When we look around our homes and see the normal signs of daily life, and then we go online and see an Instagram post of someone's beautifully-edited living room, we can be inspired, put off, or disheartened.  Perhaps we're inspired to tidy up.  Or perhaps we are irritated at their constant perfection.  Or perhaps--worst of all--we are disheartened because when we pry our eyes away from the screens, what we see in our own life is nothing like the glossed-up stuff online.  

If I go online I might see someone's amazing vacation photos, or their beautifully-decorated house, or their fine wardrobe, or their amazing career successes.  However, there's so much that we don't see.  A vacation is only a few days out of the year.  A beautifully-decorated house can be a prison or an almshouse (to paraphrase Thoreau).  A fine wardrobe could just be a sign of credit card debt. An amazing career can be an albatross.  But we don't know that!

Years ago, the only intimate exposure we might get to other people's lives would be the lives of our neighbors, and these were people who were likely to be a lot like us.  On my lane, I see people who live a lot like we do, although we're all different.  In spite of our differences, we are all friendly, we work hard, our socioeconomic status is roughly similar.  We know each other's children.  We know where the others go on vacation, if they go at all.  We drive cars of a similar ilk.  I know their houses are often neat and clean and sometimes messy.  Their gardens are productive, but not always weed-free. It's just normal life. Interestingly, none of us are "Facebook friends."  We are real friends (and family, in my case, since my family lives on this farm.)

I do not think it's God's will for us to feel inadequate with the lives He has given us.  I do think we can be motivated to change, to educate ourselves, to make improvements, and to learn new skills, and those are good things.  But to feel inadequate just because your life doesn't look like someone else's?  I just don't think that's God's best for us.  I don't think He placed me where He did so that I can fret and feel inadequate, day after day, year after year, over inconsequential details of life.

Thoughtful consumption of social media is important.  If this is an area of struggle, I strongly urge taking a month-long (at least) cold turkey break from scrolling Facebook or Instagram, listening to podcasts, reading blogs that are too "perfect"...whatever it is that steals your joy.  Because Instagram shouldn't be a mirror reflecting back your own perceived failures.

My best friend and I were recently wandering around this subject and I told her about the time, a few years back, that our Internet broke.  We didn't have access to it for over a week, and I didn't have a smartphone.  I remedied this by keeping a list of things I needed to do online, and twice during the week I took my laptop to the local coffee shop.  I drank coffee and spent about half an hour doing the "online things" that needed to be done while my children soaked up sunshine on the shop's patio, and then we went home. At the time I thought this is the best week of my adult life.  The shift in the way I went about my day was amazing: I was more focused, less distracted, happier, more joyful. I even asked my husband if we could just not fix it, and cancel our Internet access, but he didn't like that idea!

When I feel myself getting overwhelmed, too distracted, mentally disjointed, or--worst of all--jealous or inadequate--my solution is to ignore the Internet.  It always helps.

God gives us families, daily responsibilities, certain boundaries (see Psalm 16), and I think it's our job to keep our eyes focused on the life WE have, and not the live we don't have--or that someone else has.

 If you're feeling inadequate, give all the social media interactions up for a solid month.  I can almost guarantee it will radically change your perspective on yourself and your situation.  Truly!