In Defense of the Ordinary Life

The acronyms "FOMO" and "YOLO" are two little indicators of the type of culture we live in today.  "FOMO" means "fear of missing out" and YOLO means "you only live once."  I dislike both of these acronyms and the things they represent, and I'll tell you why: they undermine the value of an ordinary life. 

"Ordinary" means, among other things: standard, commonplace, normal. 

The rise of social media has somehow catapulted us into a sphere hitherto unknown to humanity.  Suddenly instead of "keeping up with the Joneses"--that is, our nearby neighbors who probably have similar incomes, values, lifestyles, and means (which is bad enough!)--we are keeping up with everyone.  We have windows into the lives of people whose capacity and tolerance for debt may be much higher than our own, or whose incomes are astronomically more than our own, and somehow we may find ourselves thinking that those lives are more satisfying, interesting, or more meaningful than our own.  

Even people who purport to laud domestic life on social media platforms or in magazines are often doing it with an agenda: to sell a book or product, to gain an income through advertising sales or commissions, et cetera.  I'm not saying that this is wrong, but I'm saying that those of us who consume this type of media must be extremely cautious to take it all with a grain of salt.  Annie Dillard once wrote that when she reads some books, she can tell they were really written to become films, and "I smell a rat!"  I feel the same way at times. We live in a capitalist society and I'm glad we do. But the phrase caveat emptor applies to all consumption, including the consumption of other people's lives via media platforms. 

What if:

*you never have a net worth of seven figures?

*you live in an ordinary, unremarkable home?

*your children are, well, typical children?

*you would never win a beauty contest? Or a fitness competition?

*you are not always highly organized, efficient, and motivated?

*you never leave the boundaries of your own country?

*your clothes are primary culled from thrift stores? Or perhaps homemade?

*you don't eat sumptuous, Instagram-worthy meals--you just eat nice, normal food? Maybe from your garden?  That is also not Instagram-worthy, because of weeds? :)

Is your life, then, an unworthy one?  We would all say no--but would we really believe it?

I always return to the question: how did Jesus Christ live?   His life was the most remarkable human life that ever existed, and yet he wasn't born into riches.  He probably grew up in a relatively unremarkable home.  We don't know what he looked like, but most indirect indicators in the Bible would point to the idea that he was a fairly average-looking man.  He never traveled the world.  He did feast on occasion, but more often than not, he was likely eating humble meals.  I don't know what he wore, but given his life circumstances, I'd be surprised if he were richly-robed.

And yet he lived the most meaningful life--he changed the world in a mere 33 years, and he did it through loving and serving others. 

Fear of missing out?  Dave Ramsey says one way people get into debt is that they spend money they don't have to impress people they don't like!  (I'd add: or to impress people they don't even know!) This is a funny saying, but all too true. I think people often pursue things in order to report about it on social media--again, spending money they don't have (or could use elsewhere) to impress people they don't know.  The only "fear of missing out" I have--and I'm being absolutely genuine and honest on this point--is the fear of missing out on loving my family.  If my eyes are fixed elsewhere and my energies directed at chasing down some sort of "ideal" lifestyle, I'll have less time and attention to devote to the thing that matters most to me.  

You only live once?  Well, that is true.  We only live for a short time on this earth, and then our lives are over.  Isn't that a key reason to be intentional and thoughtful about how we spend our years, months, days, and hours?  Isn't that a good reason to enjoy the things that truly matter, and celebrate every day as a gift? I think so! But what "YOLO" in its popular application misses is that the purpose of life is not merely the pursuit of our own pleasures and goals (the "bucket list" phenomenon). And I think it also misses that there is an eternity beyond this life.  Can we make decisions in our lives that impact eternity?  I do believe so. 

I am in no way saying that my values must be the values of everyone else!  But I am a contrarian when it comes to modern culture.  I believe an ordinary life is a gift, and those of us who have them are called to live them with purpose, joy, and dignity.

 I wake up, drink coffee.  I take walks, pick squash bugs off the pumpkin plants. Check the roses for Japanese beetles. I read the Bible and pray for people. I put on an apron and make breakfast. I read to my children from Proverbs.  I make my bed, clean the bathroom. I help a child with math, another with spelling.  I bake banana bread.  I sweep the floor. I teach a child how to use the sewing machine. I clean the windows.  I hang out the laundry.  I harvest lavender.  I make dinner.  I read to someone, correct someone.  I check on a neighbor or friend. I listen to my husband's report of the day.  I decide where to spend money and where to save it.  I help brush teeth with braces.  I tuck children in and try to listen and patiently respond to their concerns when I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I pack my husband's lunch.  I try to read a book.  I go to bed.  And then I get up and do some combination of things all over again the next day! Hundreds of times a year, nothing particularly remarkable about any single day, except that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  

Or, to quote George Eliot--who is my new favorite author right now--

"Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible.  Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth.  But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

God bless the unhistoric acts, the hidden lives, the faithful souls living perfectly ordinary lives. 

 I do suspect these lives are, at the end of them, the very best lives of all.