Advice for New Homeschoolers

Dianna asked recently if I'd consider writing something for people who will be first-time homeschoolers, but are feeling a little overwhelmed. She specifically asked about how to keep things interesting, how to keep up discipline, when to step back or take a break, etc.  These are such great questions!  I have been pondering them and would like to provide my own responses here, but I'd also like to encourage anyone who has more experience than I do to also leave comments and advice.  I know that there are women reading here who have a lot of wisdom to share.

I like numbers and lists, so I'm going to use that format for this post!  

1. Give yourself (and your child) a lot of grace.  Anytime there's a dynamic shift, a family change, or a new situation, things can get hard, and anxieties can surface. Adjusting to a new situation always requires grace, and it is my experience that grace is best given and received when we are taking life slowly and placing our trust in God (ie, not rushing around and trying to Do It All Ourselves!--this is hard-earned wisdom from me :)). 

2. Do not despise "the day of small things."  Nancy Kelly is the one who originally put Zechariah 4:10 in a homeschooling context for me, and I have appreciated its quiet wisdom ever since.  The small beginnings, the small things, faithfully done day after day, are what create the beautiful whole.  This is as true for homeschooling as it is for anything else in life. We are weaving a great tapestry, but we're doing it one thread at a time, and rather blindly most days. Just keep weaving, slowly but surely.

3. Develop the tiniest disciplines. Be faithful in these tiny things. The first step is to see if you can incorporate learning into the day seamlessly, organically.  For us, I read a chapter of the Bible every morning while the children eat breakfast; I read, and they narrate (although right now, we are reading one chapter of Proverbs each morning, and then we each choose our favorite verse from the chapter, and write and illustrate it on an index card!)  At lunch, I read a chapter of a read-aloud book (right now we are loving Little Women).  And after dinner at night, I read a chapter of a family read-aloud. It doesn't always happen at every single meal every single day, but it is enough of a habit that it happens at many meals on most days.  The next step would be (I think) to add one or two non-negotiable things; for us, that's music practice and math.  If it's possible, try to do them at the same time every day, so that expectations are clear.  And use a light hand, too: my 9-year old practices music for 10 minutes and does 20 minutes of math.  It's enough.....

4. If you use screens, be sure everyone is clear on screen rules.  For many years this was a non-issue in our house, but now that my children are older and engaging with technology more, we do have to be realistic!  Our rules are: 1) no screens until all chores and schoolwork are done (unless you're watching a math lesson!); 2) no screens after dinnertime; and 3) no screens without explicit parental permission.  Even if my children are done with their daily tasks, I have no problem declining the use of screens.  My favorite phrase is "go outside." 

5. In the moment of teaching, do step back anytime a child starts to really shut down.  My experience has been that a tiny bit of "pushing through" with gentle encouragement can be fine, but really pushing through when a child is shutting down (tears, frustration, total distraction), only results in bad feelings. No academic achievement is worth destroying your relationship with your child.  I'd rather see my child happy, well-adjusted,in a great relationship with his or her parents, and in a "no name" college than stressed, anxious, in a dysfunctional relationship with me, and at an Ivy League school.  No question about it. 

It can take a gentle touch and some experience to know what is a character issue and what is just an "I'm not ready to learn this yet" issue.  I have gotten good at identifying this and being so patient--but I wasn't good at this at first!  

6. Allow a child to follow his or her interests.  Decide what is most important for your family (see # 7, below), and do those things in the tiny faithful ways (see #3, above), and then allow your children to explore the world.  Trust that learning is happening even when they have been staring at leaves on an oak tree for half an hour.  Trust that learning is happening even when they are playing paper dolls all afternoon.  Trust that learning is happening even when they are writing their eighth book, in messy handwriting with terrible spelling (that's my Annie right now!), because they have SO MANY IDEAS about stories!  If a child shows an interest in something in particular, pray about how to provide additional opportunities.  I had to do this with Finn, who showed an affinity for languages.  He is now working on learning Spanish and French. 

7.  Decide on the basic, necessary things for your family. For us, the basic things I require each day are chores, math, reading, music practice, and some writing (I'm more lax about this with Finn, who is a fabulous writer, but doesn't seem to like writing, whereas Annie both likes writing and is great at it--even if her penmanship is terrible.  That apple fell close to the tree!).  If those basic things are done, I'm happy and grateful!  But most days a lot more gets done. 

As for the specific questions: 

How do you keep things interesting? I struggled with this one.  I puzzled over it.  I'm not sure I know the answer!  I don't try very hard to make things interesting.  If a subject is kind of dry (math), we just do it, and I try to encourage and cheer.  But most subjects are really interesting on their own.  Literature, Shakespeare, science (well, don't talk to Finn about Apologia General Science--we keep hoping it'll get better....), history...these are all naturally interesting!  I do think having some variation in the weekly schedule is nice, and cheerful rhythms that can be kept.  I have plotted those out for us this year, and will write about them soon.  

How do you keep up discipline? For me, it's keeping things simple, and honing in on what really matters to us/me.  If I suddenly have to live by a spreadsheet with specific times for each subject, I will rebel against it at the first chance I get!  It's a personality flaw, I'm sure, but that's how I am. 

I also believe it's important for the homeschooling parent to rest, to eat well, to have some quiet moments in the day.  Less will get done, perhaps, but if the things I am able to accomplish are done with a joyful, peaceful spirit, then I'm content with doing less.  (And anyhow: I believe in doing less.)

How do you know when to step back or take a break? I think resistance, tears, and opposition generally signal one of two things: 1) a child is being rebellious or 2) a child is not ready to learn something.  My experience has shown that it's almost always #2.  If you're getting a lot of opposition, I'd take a week off of academic work, and spend time with your child, building relationship, and figuring out, if possible, what's going on in their hearts and minds.  If you're feeling like "school" is a pressure-cooker every day, that is an indication that something should change.  And it's okay to change things.  

My last word is from Charlotte Mason:  "We allow no separation to grow up between the intellectual and 'spiritual' life of children, but teach them that the Divine Spirit has constant access to their spirits, and is their Continual Helper in all the interests, duties and joys of life."  In other words, we must remember that the Holy Spirit instructs us and our children in what we need to know and do.  We are not living this life alone.  The Holy Spirit has as much access to a child's heart and mind as to ours, and we can trust that over time, with a wide net spread over life and a "wide and varied curriculum", the child will assimilate and learn the things that he or she needs to know.  Our job is really just to present the world to them through math, music, good books, and nature, to keep home life healthy and happy, and to keep ourselves balanced and kind!