Day by Day

How are things going in our little world?

My husband started his radiation and chemo treatments on August 13.  We are living out of state for 7 weeks.  Our dog is living with my parents in Charleston, South Carolina; our cat is living at home under the watchful and attentive eye of our cat-loving neighbor; our chickens are getting cared for by the neighbors.  We are fortunate (that word is so pale and slim and insufficient) to be living with our best friends during these couple of months.  They live less than half an hour from the hospital, in a house in the woods with enough room for all of us, and their 8-year old son is like a brother to Annie and Finn.

I have three primary roles in life right now: nutritional, emotional, and educational. My main goal every day is to get good, nutritious calories into my husband so that he doesn't lose too much weight. He's already a slim lad and we would like to avoid the unpleasant necessity of a feeding tube, which is common in oral cancer patients undergoing radiation treatments.  He can't eat solid foods anymore and so they're all liquid calories at this point.  Already.  And of course I want to feed my children well!  

My second goal is to provide emotional support for my family.  Cancer is a big deal.  Living away from home is tough, even when living with our wonderful friends.  So I'm here to try to help everyone navigate these waters!

And educational: a smidge of schoolwork here and there, mostly science, math, and literature. And my children are getting a very solid education on the medical system, too.  

So it's funny that my habits are sort of shifting temporarily. Life is like this, isn't it? It's not static! 

The habits of exercise, eating well, rest (at night; I'm not getting much rest during the day), and fresh air are all firmly in place.  I am continuing those faithfully.

I have been hit-or-miss with the habits of Bible reading and prayer, time with my children, and prioritizing ideas.  I have had lots of time with my husband, though!  And I do try to read to my children or do something nice with them daily, although much of our day is subject to factors beyond my control.

My tidying and chores are not at all the same here as they are at home. I keep our guest room and bathroom tidy and stay on top of laundry.  Our friends are out of town for a couple of weeks so I've had the kitchen to myself, but when they return Allison and I will share kitchen duty, and I am keeping house in a sort of do-it-as-it-is-needed kind of way. 

{As an aside, I love Allison's house.  It's cozy and welcoming and real.  It's not imposing, grand, or professionally-decorated.  I'm not knocking those things, but I am saying that I am completely at home in her house (as I think she is completely at home in mine!) in a way that I wouldn't be in a more "staged" home.  I love her house because it's an extension of her family; their personality imbues the space. It's creative, sweet, bookish, natural.  There's a cat and a dog, and the children run in and out constantly.  There's a stylishness to it that is offbeat and completely welcoming. I love finding little quotes she puts on the inside of cabinets or other little spots. It's a wonderful place to be.} 

Writing/creativity have sort of fallen by the wayside, although I do have a Moleskine journal with me, and that's my primary vehicle for "creativity"--although really it's for self-expression, reflection, random lists, dreams, fears, and the like.  I think it's a healthy place to focus my limited writing time right now.  My husband has a life-threatening illness and we have two young children: journaling is good for the soul!

I have shrunk over the past few months, and was lucky to be able to go to a "real mall" and do some shopping last weekend.  I actually detest shopping malls, but I holed up in the beautiful dressing room of one department store, had a supremely helpful saleslady/personal stylist, and managed to buy a new pair of trousers (much-needed) and four flowy, pretty shirts (my rule: nothing black, everything had to be pretty) that actually fit me, were well-priced (that's essential and somewhat surprising as I think malls are so overpriced), and are practical for my lifestyle.  It was so low-stress! No dashing from store to store!  And it's good to have clothes that fit again. Whew.

My father came into town this week to help us out, and he babysat our children today. Tomorrow he'll take my husband to the hospital and the children and I are going to have a Fun Day. I'm so excited!  I think it will entail a playground, a used bookstore, and a bakery......

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Blessings abound in the midst of this hard situation. I ask God to keep my eyes open for them. The Holy Spirit is at work, I can see that very clearly. 

There are hard days.  The treatment regime is grueling and painful. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. We are kind of constantly shocked that we've only completed 2 weeks.  We have to take every day as it comes, day by day, and often hour by hour.  Seems like we've been at it for a lifetime already.  

He's 43.  He's a runner. He has never smoked anything, never drank alcohol. No risk factors.

  Sometimes I step back again in shock at how fast our lives changed because of this absolutely unexpected illness that blindsided us.  Life is fragile and precious.  I don't think that means anyone should live in fear of the "what ifs" (that is not healthy), but I think it's good to remember to treasure each day, and treasure our families.  Cancer has changed us, is changing us; my husband and I both readily admit that.  We aren't sure how it will change us long-term, but it's interesting to see that it is having an impact on us.  

Even so: I'm ready to hear a sweet, sweet word that I dream of frequently: remission.  Please, Lord. 

In the meantime, we'll take each day as it comes!