Summer Begins

Today our summer break REALLY begins.  Although Annie finished her math book the first week of July, Finn and I decided that he needed to work on math through July 31st.  Well: today is July 31st! It's 5:15 pm and he's finishing up his last math lesson and test.  I have allowed him to have the option of choosing when he does his math this month, and I've been amused to see how much he procrastinates it when I'm not directing him!  So perhaps as of dinner tonight, he will be finished and we can rejoice because we will have five full weeks off.

I realized recently that I desperately need some summer time off without big house projects.

Last summer, feeling a pang of guilt at how topsy-turvy the previous school year had been (due to cancer), we started school in July.  I have already discussed the fact that I got really burned out in late summer and early fall.  It was a big, big mistake for me to start schoolwork in July. I won't do that again!  Another big mistake was taking on far too many activities for my children--between the two of them, we had no fewer than seven different activities per week.  Seven places to be.  (Not counting church on Sunday.) 

So last summer was not restful--we threw ourselves into schoolwork, and then when mid-August came, we had so many activities, too!

The summer before that was entirely consumed by my husband's surgery, week in the hospital, recovery month, and then living for 2 months in another state for cancer treatments...then 3 months back at home when he was done with treatments but so, so, so very sick.  So I didn't have a "summer break" in 2018, either.

 One of the silver linings of the cloud of this pandemic has been that I have had the opportunity to really do some pondering, soul-searching, and thinking about what we can drop, particularly since our oncologist has given us guidelines of what we need to do to be sure my husband stays healthy.  We are cutting way, way back on "extras" this year: only keeping music lessons for each child, Spanish class and French tutoring for Finn (who is working on high school credits), and ballet for Annie, who has just "graduated" to the big girl class where they take lessons twice week and have ribbons on their shoes!  That's it.  And that's enough. The Holy Spirit has placed such peace in my heart. I desperately needed this margin after pushing myself so hard for the past couple of years. 

July has been a month to check off my to-do list: a total reorganization and decluttering of our entire basement (schoolroom, mechanical room, laundry/sewing area).  Completely de-cluttering and cleaning both kids' rooms--that was a REAL JOB in Annie's room!! Finishing up all my school planning for the upcoming year.  Moving a LOT of furniture (we rented a u-haul!) to my sister's new home an hour and a half away... check, check, check. All I have left to do is finish painting our dining room furniture and do the weeding and mulching in our extensive flower beds--but I've already started both of those projects, and in general, I like both of those activities.  We will also go to my sister's house again to help her with some unpacking and settling in.  But otherwise, I'm very intentionally exercising self-discipline and not beginning any more projects at all.  

I need to paint our living room and trim, re-paint the kitchen cabinets (it has been 11 years since I first did it!!), and do a few other projects, but I'm just not going to do them. They can wait. 

Instead, I want to relax.  I want to take my children to the creek, read books, and rest.  I want to make ice cream, play games, and watch The Sound of Music and Wives and Daughters. I want to go to Grandma's Pool (due to covid we were not able to join our usual pool this year--such a bummer, as that's one of my favorite summertime things!).  I want to play badminton and go get ice cream cones (yes, ice cream seems to be a frequent theme!!). I want to enjoy my children; they are growing up so quickly, and as my father always says, "time and tide wait for no man." (I think that's Chaucer.:))

Alright--one test and a few lesson corrections to go...come on, Finn!  Let's get summer started here! 

A New Habits Challenge: Check-In after Two Weeks

A couple of weeks ago I decided to challenge myself to change one habit per month, and the first habit to change was my bad habit of nibbling while standing up.

So, how's it going?

Well: it's going terribly!!!

The first few days I stuck with the new habit faithfully, but I noticed two things:

1) I was really, really hungry (I guess I'm getting calories I do need from that grazing!)

and 

2) it's particularly difficult when I'm just busy, and I am hungry, and frankly, it's just easier to stand at the sink and eat an apple.

So I fell off the wagon, as they say! Last week was extremely busy for me and I must have eaten while standing multiple times.  

This week I'm hoping to do better, and here's how:

1) Eat more at meals, or at sit-down snacks. I don't think I eat enough at my normal mealtimes.

2) When I do feel hungry and need a snack, put it on a special plate and really enjoy it for 5 minutes. I'm not so busy that I can't take 5 minutes to focus on my snack!

That's all. I feel like this is simple and doable. 

I'll check back in mid-August and report on how I did.......

In Defense of the Ordinary Life

The acronyms "FOMO" and "YOLO" are two little indicators of the type of culture we live in today.  "FOMO" means "fear of missing out" and YOLO means "you only live once."  I dislike both of these acronyms and the things they represent, and I'll tell you why: they undermine the value of an ordinary life. 

"Ordinary" means, among other things: standard, commonplace, normal. 

The rise of social media has somehow catapulted us into a sphere hitherto unknown to humanity.  Suddenly instead of "keeping up with the Joneses"--that is, our nearby neighbors who probably have similar incomes, values, lifestyles, and means (which is bad enough!)--we are keeping up with everyone.  We have windows into the lives of people whose capacity and tolerance for debt may be much higher than our own, or whose incomes are astronomically more than our own, and somehow we may find ourselves thinking that those lives are more satisfying, interesting, or more meaningful than our own.  

Even people who purport to laud domestic life on social media platforms or in magazines are often doing it with an agenda: to sell a book or product, to gain an income through advertising sales or commissions, et cetera.  I'm not saying that this is wrong, but I'm saying that those of us who consume this type of media must be extremely cautious to take it all with a grain of salt.  Annie Dillard once wrote that when she reads some books, she can tell they were really written to become films, and "I smell a rat!"  I feel the same way at times. We live in a capitalist society and I'm glad we do. But the phrase caveat emptor applies to all consumption, including the consumption of other people's lives via media platforms. 

What if:

*you never have a net worth of seven figures?

*you live in an ordinary, unremarkable home?

*your children are, well, typical children?

*you would never win a beauty contest? Or a fitness competition?

*you are not always highly organized, efficient, and motivated?

*you never leave the boundaries of your own country?

*your clothes are primary culled from thrift stores? Or perhaps homemade?

*you don't eat sumptuous, Instagram-worthy meals--you just eat nice, normal food? Maybe from your garden?  That is also not Instagram-worthy, because of weeds? :)

Is your life, then, an unworthy one?  We would all say no--but would we really believe it?

I always return to the question: how did Jesus Christ live?   His life was the most remarkable human life that ever existed, and yet he wasn't born into riches.  He probably grew up in a relatively unremarkable home.  We don't know what he looked like, but most indirect indicators in the Bible would point to the idea that he was a fairly average-looking man.  He never traveled the world.  He did feast on occasion, but more often than not, he was likely eating humble meals.  I don't know what he wore, but given his life circumstances, I'd be surprised if he were richly-robed.

And yet he lived the most meaningful life--he changed the world in a mere 33 years, and he did it through loving and serving others. 

Fear of missing out?  Dave Ramsey says one way people get into debt is that they spend money they don't have to impress people they don't like!  (I'd add: or to impress people they don't even know!) This is a funny saying, but all too true. I think people often pursue things in order to report about it on social media--again, spending money they don't have (or could use elsewhere) to impress people they don't know.  The only "fear of missing out" I have--and I'm being absolutely genuine and honest on this point--is the fear of missing out on loving my family.  If my eyes are fixed elsewhere and my energies directed at chasing down some sort of "ideal" lifestyle, I'll have less time and attention to devote to the thing that matters most to me.  

You only live once?  Well, that is true.  We only live for a short time on this earth, and then our lives are over.  Isn't that a key reason to be intentional and thoughtful about how we spend our years, months, days, and hours?  Isn't that a good reason to enjoy the things that truly matter, and celebrate every day as a gift? I think so! But what "YOLO" in its popular application misses is that the purpose of life is not merely the pursuit of our own pleasures and goals (the "bucket list" phenomenon). And I think it also misses that there is an eternity beyond this life.  Can we make decisions in our lives that impact eternity?  I do believe so. 

I am in no way saying that my values must be the values of everyone else!  But I am a contrarian when it comes to modern culture.  I believe an ordinary life is a gift, and those of us who have them are called to live them with purpose, joy, and dignity.

 I wake up, drink coffee.  I take walks, pick squash bugs off the pumpkin plants. Check the roses for Japanese beetles. I read the Bible and pray for people. I put on an apron and make breakfast. I read to my children from Proverbs.  I make my bed, clean the bathroom. I help a child with math, another with spelling.  I bake banana bread.  I sweep the floor. I teach a child how to use the sewing machine. I clean the windows.  I hang out the laundry.  I harvest lavender.  I make dinner.  I read to someone, correct someone.  I check on a neighbor or friend. I listen to my husband's report of the day.  I decide where to spend money and where to save it.  I help brush teeth with braces.  I tuck children in and try to listen and patiently respond to their concerns when I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I pack my husband's lunch.  I try to read a book.  I go to bed.  And then I get up and do some combination of things all over again the next day! Hundreds of times a year, nothing particularly remarkable about any single day, except that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  

Or, to quote George Eliot--who is my new favorite author right now--

"Her finely touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible.  Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth.  But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

God bless the unhistoric acts, the hidden lives, the faithful souls living perfectly ordinary lives. 

 I do suspect these lives are, at the end of them, the very best lives of all.  

A New Habits Challenge: One Change per Month

This morning I decided to start a blog series on changing habits. I have already posted some thoughts on habits, including the 12 "daily dozen" habits I try to include in my everyday life (although I still need to post the last one, which I paused because of cancer treatments....).  But sometimes we need to drop a bad habit just as much as we need to add a new one.

So I think I shall challenge myself to work on one habit each month for an entire year.  My personality wants to do everything all at once, but that's unrealistic, and as I get older, I get wiser! One habit a month is doable for me. 

The first habit I am going to try to change this month will be one of my very worst habits: eating while I stand up.  I loathe this habit of mine, but I do it almost every day.

Here's what it looks like for me:

hungry, looking into the fridge for something to eat, I start munching on grapes, cherries, triscuits....

OR

not that hungry, but trying to decide what to do next, I grab a few squares of dark chocolate and eat them STANDING UP (not even sitting to really enjoy them!)

OR 

not at all hungry--in fact, quite full--after supper as I clean up, grazing on bits and pieces that are left, like a few more rosemary potatoes from the pan

I will admit that I eat pretty healthfully but this habit of grazing on the hoof is simply not good for digestion, mindful eating, enjoying food.....

Two years ago I lost 25 pounds and have had no problem at all maintaining it (deepest and most heartfelt thanks to Louise Parker).  Sometime I'll write more about that, but for now there's a little bit about it in this post. 

I stopped my weight loss because my husband's cancer returned and I needed to focus on that.  And truth be told, I was pretty satisfied with my physique after losing 25 pounds. I felt great!   And I still do.  But I wouldn't mind losing another dress size or so.  I suspect that if I cut out the eating-while-standing bad habit I've developed, that dress size would drop without me doing anything else.  

But even if I stayed exactly the same weight and dress size, cutting out that bad habit would benefit me.  It's not very elegant to be popping chocolate chips or grapes into your mouth, and even worse, I have noticed my son doing it! Let me just tell you, if you have a bad habit and then you see your child adopting it...well, that is enough to stop me in my tracks.

So here's my challenge: I'm going to focus hard on only eating while I am sitting in my chair at the table.  I will give an update in a month, and then decide which habit to tackle next.

If you would like to take up the challenge as well and change a habit over the next month, post a comment and we'll do it together! 

The Six-Year Master Bathroom Renovation: D-O-N-E!

Our bathroom renovation is finally done!

We have worked on this slowly over the years.

When my mom built this house in 1993, I carefully helped her choose the pink laminate countertops, almond toilets and shower stalls, oak cabinets, and pink-and-cream floral linoleum for the two bathrooms we had.  It was basically all my 16-year-old dreams come true. I loved it.

After my husband and I moved in about 8 years later, I'd outgrown the love of pink laminate, and I began to make plans to change the master bathroom.

Here it is in 2014 when we'd ripped out the original stuff and we were putting in beadboard.  I had also decided to keep the fiberglass shower at that point, because 6 years ago we definitely could not afford tile. 

Later in 2014, our cabinetmaker delivered the new vanity.

Here is a post from 2015 after we had the new plumbing installed.

And that's how things stayed for a long time.  For several years we had everything done except the shower.

The last step was having the fiberglass shower removed and the shower tiled.  It took us a long time to get to that point because we knew we would hire the work out, and that it would not be cheap.  So we had to save and plan.

Before we went to Disneyworld in April 2019, we had everything all planned. I somehow thought it would be done while we were in Florida (ha!), but I was wrong. 

The first steps got done....



And then our tile man had a terrible summer which involved losing a close friend, health issues, and the need for knee replacement.

I had several people tell me I needed to find a new tile guy. But our tile guy is THE tile guy in our area, and I only wanted him to do the job. I had total faith that he would do it once his life settled down, and that once it was done, it would be perfect.


{Work in progress.}

And as it turns out, I was right!

It's bright and beautiful. I love our bathroom!  It's tiny, but all of the white makes it feel so bright and happy. I'm so grateful for it.  

It's all my 42-year-old dreams come true!

Living with a Schedule v. Winging It

{The photos have nothing to do with the post.  I just thought I'd share some random ones.  This is sudangrass starting to pop up earlier this spring.}

Ever since I was in high school I've had a planner of some sort that I have used every single year.  For my college years I remember that I always used a basic planner with a two-page weekly spread and a nice monthly calendar. These planners were spiral-bound, cost about $10 or less at Staples or Office Max, and were *essential* to my existence!

I've tried many, many ways of scheduling and organizing my days over the years. When my babies were babies, it was more about keeping a planner so that I would know when I had appointments to keep, and a running to-do list, but the days themselves were quite loose.

During our busy academic seasons of the past few years, the planner has been essential for me to keep my head on straight while managing all of my children's activities, my own domestic tasks, my husband's schedule, etc. 

When my husband had cancer, I didn't use a planner for six months.  I had a planner, but I'm sure it was only used for doctor's appointments. I recall being ambivalent about lists.  I sort of floated through our days, taking care of whatever was in front of me, and not worrying about anything else.  It was all I could do, and it was enough.

I currently use a Filofax, with a very specific printable planning kit I bought via Etsy, and I LOVE it!  

However, during quarantine, our external structure disintegrated because all of our activities were cancelled (or moved online, in a few cases).  I quickly realized that without the rhythms of my normal activities, my day could quickly descend into chaos, and I could quickly descend into irritation!  Each day has different needs, and I do not like for all my days to be exactly the same, so I can't have the same schedule every day.  But I need some kind of structure.

{A great breakfast: bowl of berries, avocado toast with garlic and tomatoes, and coffee!}

So I came up with a solution--one that sounded crazy to me at first, but has worked beautifully: at night, I type up and print out a schedule for the next day!

From the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, the time is planned.  Of course I naturally veer off at different points every day.  But this loose, flexible, needs-based approach has helped me tremendously.  I don't plan more than one day ahead (which is hard for me, but essential, because every day IS different in my life, and new needs pop up frequently).  My children are older, so they are predictable, and that helps.  I keep a running list of what needs to be done, and each night I check the list and see if I can squeeze any of those things into the next day.  I also include time to play with my children! 

(I realize that some people are so fun that they do not need to schedule fun.  

I have realized--and this is painful to admit--that I am not that fun.  So I am intentional about carving out time for fun!)

I use a two-column table in Microsoft Word. In the left column I put the block of time and in the right column I put the tasks or activities I want to do during that segment of time.  

{Evidence of my hosta fanaticism. I love hostas. They're actually in bloom right now!}

For some reason, this past Sunday night I didn't make a schedule for Monday.  And Tuesday we were going to be away from the house all day with necessary dental appointments and errands.  And since I didn't make a Monday or Tuesday schedule, and because last night was a late one due to all of us doing something as a family that ran waaaay late, I figured I'd let Wednesday be a "wing it" day, too.

Well.  As of about 11:00 this morning I realized that I had made a big mistake.  I was still in my pajamas.  The kitchen hadn't been cleaned from breakfast.  Finn was in his pajamas, asking me Important Theological Questions.  And I was trying to answer them and stay focused while in my pajamas with my back turned to my very dirty kitchen.  

Now, I'll gladly rearrange the entire morning's schedule if my child wants to talk to me about theology or the Bible or any other Major Issue in life, but I'd really rather that happen while I'm at least dressed and not trying to ignore a messy kitchen!  So here's the moral of that story: I'm not someone who can Wing It (my husband is), though I admire people who can. I just can't. It ends up devolving into me wandering around the house in my pajamas, forgetting laundry in the washer, and trying to figure out what to do next, so I need my plan on paper. 

{My violin.  I hope to add this to my daily schedule again very soon.}

When I printed the plan tonight, I felt so much better.  

Lord willing, I'll be in real clothes at 11:00 tomorrow, with a clean kitchen, and a list of chores already done! Whew!